Sunday, November 17, 2013

A treat for the TSA

It's been fairly firmly established that despite all the money and rights violations, the nudity scanners and theft scandals, the TSA is basically useless.

Just a few more examples, found through varying gunblogs and such (I need to start noting where I find this stuff, hat tip to whoever. I know Saysuncle covered the latter one as well, although I saw it first on Gizmodo).

To top it all off, if they're still using those scanners, they produce harmful amounts of radiation.
So, next time I happen to fly, I have a plan. If you opt out of the scanners, you have to go through a manual pat down. So, I think I'll give them a treat and make their jobs easier at the same time. I'm a lean, fit specimen of male, physically above average to well above average across the board.
I think that I'll wear something tight and comfy, perhaps yoga pants or hotpants, as the time of year suggests (or maybe even just regular cut jeans if I'm feeling boring, which are to me what skinny jeans are to other people). Throw on a nice, tight shirt to show off the fact that unlike much of the US, I'm darn close to some nicely chiseled abs. All in all, an outfit that can't possibly hide much of ANYTHING. After all, I don't much care how comfortable they are as they violate my rights and pat me down. In fact, they should be grateful to get to lay hands on such a fine specimen! I've been told by no small number of folks that I'm quite a looker.

Of course, this being the TSA, I wouldn't be at all surprised if they filed for harassment for someone dressing to make their jobs easier. Still, if they get to violate my rights without recourse, it's only fair that I get to have some amusement at their expense, right?


  1. Remember! A healthy diet of Chili with Beans, brussel spouts, and garlic. One must assault ALL the senses when being gate-raped by the TSA!

    1. Too indiscriminate, don't want innocents caught in the carpet bombing. Last I checked they had pat downs always done by members of the same sex, which allows me to be fairly sure that only the gropers feel the effects (even in such a position, I can assume that the odds of males who favor gentleman being fairly unlikely simply by statistical averages).
      The ladies and any gay/bi guys get some eye candy, and everyone else can just deal with it.